Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Be still, my beating vagina.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
