Banned from zoo.
Again?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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