I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I party with great urgency now.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
