I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
