the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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