My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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