It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
