Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I supernannyed him into submission
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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