In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i drank out of a bidet.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
