In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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