I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
