so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
