are you still at the devil's house?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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