Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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