im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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