At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
