Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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