i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
