FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
