no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
