i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It's Friday. Sex?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
