He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
