First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
