The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
