I am puke
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
