She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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