I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
