I skipped work to stalk him.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
