Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
