i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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