I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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