We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
