seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
