I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
