Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
