Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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