Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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