Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
