The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
