I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
