and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think I have vodka in my lungs
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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