bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
