like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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