The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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