look no pants
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The power of my boobs compel you
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
