You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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