You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
