so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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