Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
