3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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