I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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