this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
