do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
